One time I was at the dinner table when I was like six, because I had to be. So he would pick us apart psychologically. I said, “My dad never hit us.” My dad is a lawyer and he was a debate team champion. So he’s “talk, talk, talk.” It’s my turn next! And… Anyway… He was talking and I was waiting for him to be done so I could talk. You know, my friend was telling me that his dad used to beat him with a belt and that’s just the setup to my story, so… Forget about that poor son of a bitch. “Let’s change the subject! Why are we even talking about Penelope… or whatever her name was? I didn’t kill her! Whoever did kill her only did it to protect her from this world.” She said, “I never told you this before but our house, when you were growing up, was haunted.” I said, “Say more right now!” She said, “Outside you and your brother’s room, I used to see the ghost of a little girl in a Victorian nightgown and then she would walk down the hallway and then she would evaporate.” And then my dad said, “Let’s change the subject!” And I think he was just doing that dad-thing of, like, “This is a weird topic and I want to talk about a book I read about World War II.” But the way it came off was that he definitely killed that little girl. ‘You ever seen a ghost?'” And my mom said, “Yes.” Which is the best answer. So I was home for Christmas and we were just eating Triscuits in silence and I was staring at the floor and I was like, “Well, here goes nothing. That’s where we’re at conversation-wise in our relationship as a mother and son, because I’m 35 and I don’t have any children to talk about and she doesn’t understand my career. I asked my mom if she’d ever seen a ghost. I keep walking through cold spots being like, “I wonder who that used to be.” What a historic and beautiful and deeply haunted building this is. This is so much nicer than what I’m about to do. I love to play venues where if the guy that built the venue could see me on the stage, he would be a little bit bummed about it. Thank you for coming to see me at Radio City Music Hall.
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